monster4monster this spring

what if your most fucked up, harmful & beastly behaviour in relationships is truly a manifestation of your longing for connection? what if it is possible to interrupt cycles of conflict with those you love & tend to shame in a way that transforms it into more secure attachment & relational resilience?

the shadowy shame monster lives in all of us, whispering (or shouting) that we are bad, unworthy of love, useless, eternal fuckups. that what we need is too much. that what we can offer is not enough.

going to the shame place with the people we love can be confusing, overwhelming, and immobilizing. often when conflict becomes a mindfuck & we don't know how we got to this, shame is at play. often when we victimize ourselves instead of responding compassionately to someone we have wounded, shame is at play. this shame is deep in many communities: and no wonder! we on occupied turtle island live under a colonial, white supremacist culture of puritanism propped up through denigration & shaming down many axes of oppression.

when we learn to engage shame, to digest it & let it move through us, we spiral the power it had to drain us back into ourselves. we become more reliable & resilient in our relationships of care & solidarity. working with shame in relationships is especially essential, since it is often shame-driven behaviour that harms each other the most––first in itself & second when we are unable to be accountable & repair, thus perpetuating & deepening the original harm. more & more, those i work with are coming to me explicitly seeking tools to digest shame. when we practice together, it's more accessible, more sustainable & very in service to the remedies shame requires: safe-enough connection & persistent gentle perception.

in this 4-part deep dive that spirals the individual work of meeting monsters into a wider relational context, we will gather to listen to & tend our shame monsters. participants will study:

• what shame is
• how it is a survival response whose true purpose is to sustain connection
• how to recognize when it is driving conflict in relationships
• how to use it as a sustainable catalyst rather than a self-hating & burnout-inducing coercion
• a road map for interrupting cyclical trauma-driven patterns
• a sustained ritual for tending shame
• how to discern when you need to pause for shame first aid instead of continuing to try to resolve the issue
• how to unwind the intensity of shame & repair safety in connection through somatic practice.

space is limited & no single-session drop-ins are available, to allow for a stronger container for this sensitive work. somatic practice will be woven throughout all group sessions: because "the most effective way to do it, is to do it" (toni cade bambara, brought to me by alexis pauline gumbs' black feminist breathing chorus). we don't change through analysing & talking about our dysfunction, but by practicing other possibilities in the flesh.

SCHEDULE

sundays in august 2026, 12:30-2:30 pm ET
week 1 // 5 april: container, consent, curiosity
week 2 // 12 april: shame in conflict
week 3 // 19 april: cycle of relational accountability
week 4 // 26 april: conflict mapmaking & closing

LINEAGE

this work is informed by generative somatics' framing of shame as taught to me by my mentor vanissar tarakali, lived experience of c-ptsd & bpd & autism, early/developmental trauma work as both a somatic experiencing practitioner taught by kathy kain & a client working with violette najat, kitchen table study & practice of transformative justice in everyday life with many close queers in tiohtià:ke & every single one of my exes & partners, especially the ones i really hurt

ACCESSIBILITY INFO

we will meet online via zoom; you will have access to the online event page when you register & detailed info will be sent 2 days prior to our start. please join from a cozy, confidential location. the skillshop will be recorded & shared with all registered participants, but if you can make it live, you will be able to ask questions & we will benefit from your presence & participation, in whatever shape it takes including listening/witnessing. participants are invited to exercise choice in whether & how visible they would like to be on camera, whether they speak via mic or chat, and which practices they engage & how. auto-captions will be enabled. as more people register at cost & a little more tiers, i am able to open more a little less & no cost tickets. please email hannah @ bodywitchery.com with other accessibility inquiries!

as with all my income, 10% of revenue will be redistributed to Black & Indigenous liberation work. for this skillshop, tithing will be shared between crips for esims for gaza & kanal la pap kanpe, supporting resistance for two peoples surviving amerikkkan imperialism. this event is not affiliated with either project; they are named for transparency about my individual choice to redistribute income from this work. i strongly encourage participants to make their own additional contributions when possible!

snake & mercreature logo designed for bodywitchery by cesario lavery.